[lug] unsubscribe me please

bof bof at pcisys.net
Sun Jan 1 15:40:07 MST 2006

CEdwards wrote:

> <blank message>		

The new Unsubscribe System mandates that each person who wishes to 
unsubscribe from a list, fill out *in triplicate* a Form UnSub-183-L. 
This *must* be done in hard copy.  This form is then mailed to the 
Internet Unsubscription Bureau (IUB) in Tuscola, Illinois.

Upon receipt of Form UnSub-183-L, the IUB will then prepare Form 
PU-876e, the "Petition for Unsubscription" which must then be mailed to 
the ISUPC (Internet Subscription -- Unsubscription Profiling Center) in 
Ludwig, Florida, which will conduct a thorough personal investigation of 
The Candidate for Unsubscription, which usually takes 6 to 8 weeks; 
unless there's a recount. The cost of this investigation, is usually 
around $300 to $500, and it must be paid for by The Candidate for 
Unsubscription, with the payment being sent to the (Internet Fee 
Processing Center) IFPC in Detroit, Michigan. All payments must be made 
in Krugerrands. No personal checks or credit cards are accepted.

If all goes well with the personal investigation, The Candidate will 
receive Form STS-9387233, the Summons for Termination of Subscription 
Hearing. These hearings are held in one of three regional Locations 
throughout the country: Nome, Alaska -- Hilo, Hawaii -- and Key West, 
Florida. However hearings held in Florida are subject to many, many 
appeals so you might want to opt to have the jurisdiction moved to one 
of the other locations. Your personal attendance at these hearings is 

The Candidate for Unsubscription is advised to bring legal 
representation with him or her to this hearing. A few people have 
managed to successfully represent themselves all the way to a successful 
unsubscription, but it's a rare occasion when they prevail without an 
attorney to represent their interests.

At the hearing, a federal magistrate will hear the evidence and pleas 
regarding the Petition for Unsubscription and make a decision as to 
whether or not to proceed with the hearing or order a continuance until 
additional information can be processed. If the Petition to unsubscribe 
is found worthy of consideration a court date will be set, usually 
within a six month period. Of course, The Candidate for Unsubscription 
can expect a fairly rigorous cross-examination by the prosecutors. Many 
searching, embarrassing questions will be asked which might include: "If 
you could manage to scrape enough brain cells together to subscribe to a 
list, what happened when you decided to unsubscribe?" "What the heck is 
the matter with you?" or "Are you brain dead?" Then, of course, there's 
the Big One, "Can't you read instructions?"

Depending on how the trial proceeds, many different things can happen, 
including a mistrial or a hung jury, which will result in entering the 
appeals process {and you know how the Florida appeals system works}, or 
jailing and torture of The Candidate for Unsubscription in a South 
American prison. These topics will be covered in a later edition of this 

Or you could just go to and follow the instructions at the bottom of 
this page


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